Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
