Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
