hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
