ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
