someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
