when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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