i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I could make wine with my vomit
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
