I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
