I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
