Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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