I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He shit in the fireplace
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
