Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
