My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
