I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
