I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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