Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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