If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
