you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
