if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
