can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
