I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
