theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
