All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
