I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
