Swine flu. Run for my life!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize