Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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