How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
