so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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