The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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