It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize