And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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