i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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