If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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