we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
