Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
