Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
