I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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