i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
