Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
