I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
