I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Mom said you looked used
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
