As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize