I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
