I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
