It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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