even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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