You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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