Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
