haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
