We're facebook friends in real life
I have demons in me.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize