He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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