nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
