this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
