could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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