It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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