Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
