If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
