So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
