i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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