careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
