Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
