i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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