it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
