Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no, he came in my armpit
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
