Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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