Fuck appropriateness.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
