at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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